on Smart Wednesday

the duke of Boston

Hello all, Happy Wednesday. And Happy Halloweeen!!

Wednesday is a good day, most of the time. Bloggy wise, it’s the day you put the quality content out. I put out the serious stuff, usually. Let people know I’m capable of giving opinion and assaulting half baked ideas.
Tuesdays are for second hand ideas, books, movies, articles, things of that sort. Things that aren’t mine. Mondays are for broken hearts. Or a political essay.

(Please do read that post and learn more of Indonesian politics, I took great pain in editing it twice.)

So anyhow, I was going to write about smart people. Smart people and their quest for fame (eg. B list Nobel laureates), and famous people who want to be smart (eg. Homer Simpson). Frankly, I consider being either smart or famous is burdensome. To be both smart and famous will make it totally superfluous.

As it happens though, smart people are often not that smart and fame are notoriously elusive. That guy, he claimed vanity was his favorite sin. Then he went to hell. How many famous people do you think there are in hell?

The other reason to celebrate Wednesday is it’s two days away from Friday. On Friday, I’m off to Singapore. To meet Candi and nothing else. I’ve nothing else to do in Singapore except to meet Candi and probably browse the bookstore. Isn’t that great? I’m excited.

Even Mowgli’s happy. He’s been a bit low recently, old age I guess. Then we spent Sunday playing around with kids in a big yard where he ate pasta. I guess he feels much better after. You gotta thank Jen and the birthday boy for it.

How did my book writing go? How nice of you to ask. It went nowhere. Actually, it was pretty crap to begin with (the only person I’ve shown the draft to stopped talking to me right away. Perhaps she was a little shy, but it could’ve been that she was busy). Fear not, I’ve plans. I might just go pursue that plan by next week or so. I did sit down with a proper director/producer the other day and he liked the four pages that he read (ones with the sex scene). Perhaps he was drunk.

Anyhow, it’s Halloween. Trick or treat and I’ll be out for a treat. I’ve also a big day tomorrow. I might just make a really good deal by tomorrow. Let’s hope for the best. I deserve a wish.

PS: Need Halloween advice. Currently, i'm planning to go as Jim Morisson, unless you've a better idea.

on Grindhouse

It’s movie time.

I’m a big Tarantino fan. Back in the days of laser disc, I used to have a Reservoir Dogs disc that keeps finding its way back to the player. Pulp Fiction, I thought was an amazing work, but not quite RD for my taste. I like the simplicity in Reservoir Dogs. The pace, the dialogue and the characters were just awesome.

There’s something about a Tarantino script that share the same flavor. True Romance (Tony Scott directing, but QT wrote it), was distinctly Tarantino – all the weird shit going with the characters everywhere.

So anyhow, I got hold of the Grindhouse DVD last week and finally had the quiet night to sit down and enjoy it. It’s two movies back to back, one by Robert Rodriguez, called Planet Terror and the other Deathproof, by QT. I been waiting for this for a while, Kill Bill was good but it didn’t quite deliver for me. Leading up to Grindhouse, the hype was all about Tarantino going to classic B movies style.

And so there they were. You can read the reviews here and there but it is basically a three hour long gorefest. Rodriguez put a one legged stripper in the middle of a zombie infested night. The body counts during 90 minutes Planet Terror would be comparable to a Baghdad summer.

The next 90 Quentin Tarantino minutes was split into two segments. The first one has four hot lesbian girls that were massacred in one really cool crash scene. The second part of the film has another three hot lesbians for a payback.

Some people, you really should never give too much money to exercise their wild imagination. I’ve this theory that in most cases, restrictive resources put a limit on the creative juice and therefore they really strive for excellence. You let them loose with unlimited budget and it’s all gone to waste. It’s gone beyond optimal and there’s just diminishing return past that. Tarantino, Scorcese, the Wachowski brothers even Steven Spielberg (War of the Worlds?)

Well.. yes… that’s my bit. I’m just disappointed, that’s all.

PS: GJ has a birthday to celebrate and he’s looking for a nanny! Go give him a hand!

Indonesian Politics for Dummies

I found how the World had been misled by prostitute Writers, to ascribe the greatest Exploits in War to Cowards, the wisest Counsel to Fools, Sincerity to Flatterers, Roman Virtue to Betrayers of their Country, Piety to Atheists, Chastity to Sodomites, Truth to Informers.
~Jonathan Swift


PDI-P. short history: one of the three parties from the Soeharto days. Second largest in popular vote, they were always the almost ruling party in post Soeharto Indonesia. They wear red but they’re not communists.
ideology: neo-narcissistic with a nationalistic zeal if/when suitable.
symbolism: cows. The original party uses a big black cow on blood red background. In 1996-2000 political turmoil, the party splintered in tiny little pieces everywhere, all of which uses the cow and different shades of red for symbolism. While this maintains some historical relevance, it speaks for the originality factor.
public figure: Megawati Soekarnoputri. President of the Republic 2001-2002 (or sometime around, I can’t remember, check wiki), then lost the election. The era was plagued with mediocrity it’s hard to recall a particular highlight. Currently plotting a come back, Megawati will keep trying for presidency far beyond menopause. She loves flowers and grandchildren. Husband Taufik Kiemas serves cookies and plots thick political conspiracies for a living. Other smart figures lined the party elite but many left citing political molestation issues.
if it were a movie: “The Mummy Returns.”

Golkar. short history: The largest party ever. Also the richest and the biggest and the most popular of all. Soeharto’s main power base during his 30 years rule. Between 1965 – 1997, the party primarily played the role of the Senate during Cesar’s rule, until the IMF Brutused him and launched the country into the chaos that was. They wear yellow.
ideology: passive-aggressive.
symbolism: a tree.
campaign platform: redistribution of poverty and other vaguely defined economic doctrines.
public figures: Golkar boasts the most impressive names of all the political parties. Seasoned politicians, very rich generals, war criminals, rehabbed tycoons and straightened thugs line up the party high committee. Many maintain low digits handicaps and outstanding international arrest warrants. Higher ranking Golkar officials are susceptible to hard to diagnose diseases. Those who are yet to serve prison time escaped prosecution by adopting generic cardio-vascular disorders. The most popular figure at the moment is most likely the petite and skillful, Mr. Vice President Jusuf Kalla. Other notorious figures include Aburizal Bakrie who drills a hole in the ground, Akbar Tandjung who always smiles and Soedomo – last sighted leading the March of the Penguins in Hai Lai, Ancol.
if it were a sexy celebrity: Madonna, Material Girl era.

Partai Demokrat. short history: none. They’re new, it was conjured to successfully load Mr. SBY to be our current president.
ideology: Darwinian.
notable mention: SBY won the most popular vote ever, 60%+, the last election. This was also the first election with direct popular vote count.
campaign platform: see, ideology.
dubious achievement: SBY has to deal with more natural disasters than any other leader on planet earth. To say that Mr. Yudhoyono skillfully trapezed between the wraths of mother nature and the exempted generals into the fervor of islamic radicals and greedy capitalists pigs is to say that this regime is an excellent circus. Which it is.
climate change policy: see, ideology.
if it were a celebrity: not sure, but probably not Janet Jackson.

Coming Up: Gus Dur, Amien Rais, Sutiyoso and Soeharto-ist influences.

Things That Scares Me The Most

- A nuclear holocaust
- Prostate cancer
- The maids don’t come back after Lebaran
- Deddy Corbuzier
- A blood crazed female orangutan twenty feet behind us (will tell you all about this later)
- Snakes. Most snakes do but the bigger ones are scarier.
- Google secretly filters and maintains my search term history for commercialization

on Sapa Valley, Vietnam

Forever young,
I want to live forever young,
Do you really want to live forever, forever…
Forever, Forever young…
~Neil Young, Forever Young.



22km south of the Chinese border in North Vietnam, 250km from Hanoi, approximately 1000m above the sea level and 3100 plus km from home. We’re in Sapa, small mountain resort (population 35,000) locked between the rugged hills and the white clouds.
Quite literally so, as we lie in bed this afternoon, door and windows open, you could see the cloud invaded the room and nothing whatsoever outside the window.

Have you ever breathe the cloud? We did, just today.

The French sort of discovered this place in the 1920s and they called it the Tonkinese Alps. In 1979, The Chinese border skirmish found this place on the cross hair, bombed out and largely forgotten. The revered Ho Chi Minh largely ignored this part of the land and the Americans used the natives to look after their radar installations in the American war. For the most part though, these people are oblivious to the guide books and history books. They’ve no idea what happened in the outside world and they care even less. They live in the treacherous slopes of Fan Si Pan Mountain and grow opium as the French had taught them for many long years. The H’mong people wear dark blue outfit with geometrical motifs, indigo dyed, weaved of silk and hemp.

Climb the hills for a few hours and patches of ganja fields are there for your instant gratification. These mountain tribes hike down in the weekends and their mushrooms are the local delicacies. These people drink pickled lizards for the fun of it.

We spent the day on the balcony, staring at the clouds making their distance, brief moments of blinding white and all the different shades of green. In plain sights, you could probably just make the odd hemp patches and water buffalos. 172 steps below from our room, tourist herds were making their way towards the human zoo of Northwest Vietnam. I did little but stare, two cups of Vietnamese coffee and a bottle of shit French wine. It’s a wonder that we’re here at all.

loving the green scenery

Candi found this place on the map and somehow we ended up here. I’ve never even heard about it til it hit me on the head. Twelve hours away from the chaos of Hanoi and here we are. The town of Sapa itself swarmed with Vietnamese tourists in the weekend but I suspect the villages are much quieter. I hadn’t the chance to check it out, it’s kinda nice to sit on the balcony and watch the different colours.

The city numbered 35,000 in total population though Vietnamese makes up less than 15% of that, the rest of it are the mountain tribes. They descend into town for the weekend market and capitalize on the booming tourism. Prime sight of capitalism at its best. They wear distinct tribal garbs and speak the best English. They also charge 30,000 dongs to foreigners to enter their village and travel back in time. Dyed indigos and hemp patches. You wouldn’t want to leave and you’ll find me repeating myself. I am lost for words for now.

Thank Uncle Ho they’ve ADSL Internet and all for now

PS: This is a travel note from a while ago. I can't really write anything write now, but this should do to improve the mood for the weekend. Til later guys...

Have a good weekend

on the First Time and Whatever Comes After

for I am a miser who counts over his spoil every day and hoards it secretly and adds to it when he can, and is grateful to see it grow
~Mark Twain, February 22, 1902, Letter to Helene Picard

It’s one of those things that happen once and again.

Then again.

No, I’m not talking about another blue screen or MP3 chaos. I’m not talking of another round of bubbly madness either. 15bn is a lot of money, but hey, if they can afford it, so what?

No, I’m talking about boy meets girl. The boy I know for a long time. The girl not as long but she’s a really close friend. She has most things that boys would be interested in, look, money, connections and all. All the right stuff. Except that she has a boyfriend and he has a wife and kids.

That’s not exactly what troubles me. Well, it does, trouble me, a little bit. But not much.

What really troubles me is the length they go to go beyond their own weight.

Girls never seem to get this. Even the smartest girls are prone to flattery. The dumber ones are just easy preys. Funny jokes aren’t always funny. They’re funny to start with, but in the end they only want to get in your pants. They were meant to be funny in the beginning. They were designed to make you laugh. and swallow.

Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. I’m a guy. We think alike.

The less funny part was because in this particular case, I was familiar with the whole setup. I know him, I know her. I know his jokes and I know why she laughs. I know the minute details of how he fucked up and I know how the bastard lies. I could lie his lies better than him.

I know her stories, too. And that kinda pissed me off in a weird way, I was so hoping that I could get out of all those stories. Life’s too short for stories and bandwidth are expensive.

Stories, they’re too much to tell. There’re too many of them, your ears weren’t built to listen to them. Each in their quirky details and manicured defenses, in the end stories are the same.
The good die young and good robots rule supreme.

I was not in a very happy mood. I woke up this morning and I was told that I’ve divorce papers in the post and that’s just not a nice way to wake up. It’s never a nice way to wake up. I won’t tell you the stories. As I said, the stories are the same every where, you ought to know them by heart at this point.

Some people can’t keep their dick well and twisted in their pants while others are too keen to cling on their erotic dreams. Me, I just can’t keep my temper.

I know what you’re about to say. In fact, I know precisely what you are about to say. Down to the Nivea cream and raisins on top: I’ve trust issues. I won’t even go the trouble to deny it.
I won’t even say that I am surprised anymore at how short the length people would go to shatter whatever trust they ever had. Trust is overrated, did I tell you that?

That’s a different discussion altogether. We shan’t go there.

Let me just tell you the rules and I make them real simple: If it’s not worth that much to you then it sure as hell won’t worth as much to me.
The first time around, it costs me more then I could ever afford.
The second first time around and then there was another.
And by the last first time hit you in the back of the head, the cheap laborers at the embassy didn’t even make the fucking list.

I’ve had enough of first times.

Let’s just move on to nicer planes.

You guys go fuck yourselves, i'm off with my last time.

on MP3 Chaos

Easily let's get caught in a wave
Easily we won't get caught in a cave
Shao Lin's shakin' for the sake
Of his soul-Everything must go
Lookin' mighty tired of
All the things that you own
Everything must go
~Red Hot Chili Peppers, Easily


Sometimes I get really annoyed with myself. Same problems happen again and again over the years and each time catch me totally helpless. Today, the problem is again with my MP3 collection.

I’ve some 80GB on my laptop that I need to get sorted. I like them neatly named (artist – title) and each put in their folders according to the album title. Preferably, to have the cute album artwork thingy on the face of it.

Problem is of course, there’s not a good file manager out there that could do that without causing too much headache. iTunes is bloated and slow and create gazillions of folders and Windows Media player is clueless (but I like the way it manages the artwork).

Then there’s always the problems with the file names thrown in chaos – I use batch file renamer (FlashRenamer), but it’s a hard work…


Blah.

Did I promise you guys like a proper post?

Forget that… I’m busy.

One for the Moment

She made cautions away
fears recedes and reasons gave way

Distant shores where it goes
Damnedest whores where it roams

once for every life it took
once for every morning it looks

a flower on the beach
tiny little floating thing
for every moment each


- This is something from somewhere, could've been me, but could've been someone else's too. Will write proper more later.

- This i found in an old file after the computer was destroyed two years ago. the files were corrupted. i think.

in the Traffic

I just love the way this city seemed to regain its dignity so quick after Lebaran. For a week, the city was there for all to love, traffic moves and the sky was blue.

Then bang! It hit back with a vengeance. Thunderstorm yesterday (yes, south side) killed the fucking traffic as everybody seemed only to be lingering around in their cars for hours and hours on the road. Put me in another traffic jam like that and i might just turn into serial killer.

The traffic was so bad, i spent my time actually watching the people outside, the various hawkers and street opportunists pitching and prodding for their various wares and grievances.

There was a guy who had a little kid on his back. The kid looked like he's missing one leg (and thus had to be carried on the back). He only looked so because he folded his leg in that black baggy pant. Like for real. They got bored and tired begging for money after a while (the traffic wasn't moving), so they went across the road and walked home.

There was a guy selling a possum. or a monkey. or a lemur. i think it's a lemur.

There was a guy selling sports drink and candies and cigarette and stuff.

There was a guy selling that tahu/tempe goreng thingy. Tahu was nice, tempe not so much. I’ve to explain the tahu/tempe thing some other time.

There was a guy selling brooms.

There was a guy selling battery operated turtles. And monkeys.

There was a guy selling Playboy – the price tag jacked up to 100,000. I don’t get this at all, I mean Playboy is available at the newsstand for like 35,000 or so, right? Why would anybody believe that it costs 100,000? Hell, I guess he’s selling, so there’s probably an idiot somewhere paying.

There were lots and lots of other guys, too… but now I’ve get back to work.

on Dumbledore

So now out of the closet, Dumbledore is Republican. He's been involved in many hawkish initiatives and was heard muttering anti-semitic comments in private. He's also gay. Questions around his close proximity with underage wizards were left unanswered.

The Internet is now awash with speculation on Gandalf preferences. There were rumors that Frodo was sighted in 'inappropriate' conduct during his fabled journey, but nobody's saying anything.

Shrek, let's just watch Shrek.


...and Nemo.

on a Sliver of Nirvana

Gun gun son of a gun
You are the only one
Makes any difference what I say
The sun shines in the bedroom
When we play
The raining always starts
When you go away
~Son of a Gun, Nirvana


I was bored enough yesterday that I was out in Citos looking for CDs. Out of impulse, it was a couple of old classic compilations and Nirvana’s Sliver – The Best of the Box. I can’t remember the last time I bought a CD – everything’s on LimeWire these days.

(Then I got stuck at the pub with some friends and we saw Hamilton fucked his rookie championship but I want to talk about Nirvana right now).


Listening to the album, I can’t quite figure out how any music like theirs could ever change the world. The so called “Best of…” are simply one set more of fucked up jumbles that Kurt and the others did to fool with the rest of us.

When the man shot himself, it was one of the worst news I’ve heard in my life time (the top spot was when Michael Jordan quit the Bulls). It was the end of an era. They were at the top of the food chain and there was nobody else in sight. Alice in Chains was good but I got bored pretty quick. Pearl Jam was better than everybody else but Eddie Vedder never pulled the trigger, it was Kurt’s world all the way.

I still think that Nevermind was one of the best albums ever. The MTV Unplugged album was good and shed some light on his madness. Then you should just stop there. Out of some desperate longing for a good ole time, you try to delve deeper and pick whatever unfinished recording that they did and they were just as bad as any other out there. If Kurt never pulled the trigger, these stuff would never leave the studio vault.

The album is mainly unfinished recording of Nirvana’s biggest numbers. It’s rough, coarse, unpolished and most often, they’re downright ugly. You spend your years growing up with their idolized genius, the album shows the twisted route. Probably it’s meant to make you understand them better – I tend to think it’s simply meant for Courtney Love and the studio heads to make more money from a dead man. I don’t think you need to spend 90 minutes listening to their manic search for brilliance. Even thru the polished finish of Nevermind, I’m sure most of us recognize it. Listen to All Apologies twice and you know that all is not all right with Kurt Cobain and co.

So I’m not sure why this album was released at all. 22 tracks of untended wounds. You wouldn’t really want them unless you care.

on Cooking Pasta

How’s one supposed to do pasta? I mean, properly, how are you supposed to do it?

I always do it with salt in the boiling water, some virgin oil, then throw till it sticks on the fridge. The dog particularly agrees with the throwing on the fridge bit. I do it that way cause God knows however longtime ago, an English chap named Andrew Humphrey Something taught me to do it that way. Why I trust an Englishman to do my pasta illustrates how young and vulnerable I was.

Today, while cooking myself dinner, I question that wisdom for the first time. I’m not sure that you need the oil at all.

That’s okay, I’m gonna ask Christina to teach me how to cook tomorrow. I’m taking cooking lessons. Hopefully, that will make me cook. I kinda like cooking. It has a calming effects to it.

Anybody with a good pasta & tuna recipe, do let me know.

PS: It rains real heavy today. Haven’t been this wet for a while. I like it. Drown the fucking mossies.

PSS: Am I really the only one who didn't go to Black Eyed Peas? How was it anyway?

PSSS: Hamilton for the final race. See how it works for this one rookie... back later all! Flash Update: 'til next year for Hamilton... told ya he couldn't do it!

I am not Travis Bickle

The one and only time
I ever saw Toxic Boy cry
Was when some sodium chloride
Got into his eye


Something is obviously wrong with me. Last night, I spent a few hours browsing the Internet for the perfect Tuna pasta recipe (they maids are still gone, don’t ask). The little book I am reading at the moment is called The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy, by Tim Burton (the previous book had an essay of Japanese octopus sex fetish). Then I spent most of the day discussing slimey nipples with strangers on the internet. Very fishy.

The mood and the setting, I expect to be pardoned for composing something that wouldn’t make much sense within the current context. It will be wise to assume that someday you will be able to grasp the deeper meaning of what I am trying to say here. In the words of the eloquent Niger, I transcends wisdom.

Yes, it wasn’t even grammatically correct.

Do you know that Oliver Stone has only one testicle? His father rented him a hooker for his first time and he had his mother taught him how to masturbate. And you think squatty potties were tough.

I saw Platoon the first time when I was six or so. I think. I was really young and vulnerable and the movie scarred me for life.

Some guys were sitting in the emergency exit cum smoking room and trying to figure out what the word ‘constipate’ means. Two guys who don’t speak English tried to work this out for about two minutes without dictionaries before I lost me temper and told them that it’s the awkward period after you dropped your pants but before you get the blowjob. Fairly accurate, no?

A very good friend of mine lost his dad. He’s as good friend as any, only I don’t see him enough these days. Sometimes, life stretches even the smallest thing furthest. I wished it differently but I think that’s what it was.

A friend of mine called out of the blue to say hi. The last time I saw the guy was somewhere in San Francisco, I insisted on trying out qualuude and the Filipino dealer jumped us after we scored. We smacked his head with a very hard bottle then hid away in Lake Tahoe for a while. My friend said he saw the Pinoy dude back in the neighborhood.

A girl came to me with a dress with an open back and a tattooed tribute to Joey Ramone. She then bent over to show the colours and told me to slap the tattoo really hard. She kept saying it’s okay now. I could be wrong but I think she was Spanish. She then bit my lips really hard, it was swollen for days. That was the entire exchange with this character ever. I saw her picture on flickr today, could’ve been her. She’s in Toronto. Watch out fellas.

My cousin bought a beagle puppy and called him ‘Ujang’ which came in only second since my ex wife’s cactus (‘Agus’). I tried hard to think what to call my fridge (‘Bruce’).

I really should be writing something more meaningful. What a waste of bandwidth.

on Treespotter Reforms

Following the decline in Treespotting popularity (see the tecnorati post before), I think it may be time to consider some changes in the format of future Treespotter edition.

• More list. Market research indicates that the 110-120 audience love lists. I love lists, too. Let’s just have more list.
• Localized content. Following the advice of Jack Mahoney, I will now do more localized content from all over the place. I’ve loads of travel stories from obscure locations that I have yet posted here. I might even post pictures. Does that count as local content?
  
• More interactivity. That means, I write, you visit. Please do.
• Less doggy talk. I love my dog. Yes, this is his blog, too, but I understand my mushy tone is probably not suitable for all. If you want chubby wubby mushy mushy doggy talky, then go somewhere else.
• More smut. (see disclaimer below).
• New regular feature: Household Appliances Deathmatch (Toaster vs TV and so on)

Some things won’t change: Treespotter will never show nipples. Treespotter will never watch cricket and I will not post YouTube video just because I fail to conjure other random rubbish.


I still have other issues but that’s between me and my therapist.



FLASH NEWS: Stephen Colbert is running for president, for both Republican and Democrat. He filed already in South Carolina. This follows recent announcement from Bill O'Reilly that he would also run for the Empire. God, i just love American politics.

on Faulty Technorati

I can’t remember exactly when or why, but sometime ago, I left blogging. I don’t think it was anything wrong with blogging per se, more like life caught up with me and it was rather occupying.

Then I realized I can’t live without it.

Sad, really.

Anyhow, now I started blogging again. Not to be too ambitious, I’ll try to update regularly. I’m also signing onto facebook and committed to try every other web 2.0 thingies out there. Call it occupational hazard.

Well, now that I am back into it, can anyone explain to me why my technorati ranking seems to plummet recently? A few months ago, I was a blog deity, according to technorati, nowadays, I am registered as mere mortal with almost no followers.
It’s like the shepherd, only I’ve no cows.

I understand technorati judges you by the number of links, etc. I know all those, but it still doesn’t explain my decline. The site is indexed, almost always in timely fashion, but the problem seems to come from the main tecnorati database itself. I noticed that some of the incoming links listed there are not at all recent and the dates are skewed everywhere.

I’ve no idea why this is, I’m curious if anybody else observe similar situation?

Normally, I wouldn’t trouble myself with such minutiae, but this is becoming more important with recent development in the local blogosphere: during the last Great Indonesian Blog Spat 2007, people suggested technorati ranking for the primary measure of one’s popularity. If this proposals were to be accepted as next year’s conflict resolution method, then I would be at disadvantage with a faulty technorati. It’s like measuring penis with a substandard ruler.

I can always recommend alternative measures but I’m not sure that it would be appropriate. Some other people might feel shortchanged.

Anyway, let me know if any of you guys have similar problems.

on Nothing

I just love Jakarta during this week. If it is possible at all to love this town, it would be during the week right after lebaran. The traffic actually moves! Impressive!

I am back to work. How’s that for dedication? I personally think it is cruel to make people go to work when they have so much cookies to finish at home, but I can’t stand being at home anymore. I needed to get out and work is just as good as any.

Mowgli wasn’t happy that I left this morning, but I left anyway.


So, what happened today? Was at the bank (Mandiri in Bapindo Plasa is open, also most BCA branches). It took forever to send a Western Union, but we’re supposed to be in forgiving mode.

What else?

Nothing. Like, absolutely nothing. Just wait a little bit, I will post more later. I’m supposed to set up a facebook account now.

PS: Sushi shop closed, what do i have for lunch?!?

on Consumers

Staying at home in the festive weekend with a backpain wasn't fun. It could even be a little depressing. So i decided to leave the house and do a quick grocery run. This is also the best time in the year to get out there and get to know the consumers. I don't do enough of it - get to know the consumers - this is as good time as any.

They're out in droves and loaded with the last wad of their Lebaran cash. This is the equivalent of watching whale migration pattern for zoologists. I went to Bintaro Plasa near where i live - this is the equivalent of the Bering Strait for the whale inclined.

What i saw only confirmed my suspicions. That consumers are idiot. They're silly, smelly and generally not pleasant. In their critical mass, mobs of consumers generally have poor and indiscriminating taste. When combined in large groups, consumers behave similarly to homeless homing pigeon: the circle around looking for a place nearest resembling a loo stop.

creepy. This is what we are tasked with?

If you were ever not sure that Democracy may not be suitable to all species, do come out to the mall today.

PS: When listing 'Most Useless Things' last week, i forgot to mention male nipples. It's now duly updated.

on Hari Raya, 2007

The day was a disappointment from the onset. It’s too hard to explain here, the path too Freudian and lacking any excitement in its narratives. It’s just basically not a fun story to tell. The bottom line being, the Ied Hari Raya at the end of Ramadan, this year in particular, isn’t my favorite date in the year.

I was on the couch for most of the afternoon reading Dice Man (a bday present, great stuff) with a Budha Bar compilation playing on continuous loop. The house wasn’t exactly in a mess, but it’s in less than perfect form. The maids had gone for three days, me and Mowgli aren’t the best of housekeepers. Mowgli has a very large bowl of beef flavored Pedigree on the floor, his water bowl next to it. Me, I had cans and cans of frozen flavored coffee, one after another, piling up on the coffee table.

I’ve lots of cakes and cookies, too. The various kinds that the people in the office sold me and the additional kinds that other people prodded me to procure. They were all delivered today in their various mismatching containers. Most of it I left unopened, they’re to be redistributed soon as we go back to work next Tuesday (the guys at work are less discriminatory with their choice of snacks). Mowgli tasted a few cans, liking some better than others but I still couldn’t find my favourite (last count, there were about 8 different types). I was half expecting my exes to send me cakes as they frequently do in the previous years, but I guess I’ve to forfeit those perks of singledom from now on. Even Candi bought me cake, but she is in Singapore.

The phone accumulated 32 sms by mid afternoon, so far none used a template, which is surprising. Last year, everybody were using the same congratulatory template that I received many duplicate ones. If you’re one of them who did send me anything this morning, many thanks to you. Frankly, I’m not sure of the etiquette there. To reply one by one to everybody would be a tediously boring job. Telkomsel are making too much money as it is.

Sometime after dark, someone knocked on the front gate. It was the trash guy, the old man that goes around every week to take the household trash from my neighborhood. As always he’s crass and never too polite. His skin burnt and torn with every possible scars and complexions, the hair unkempt and the t-shirt old and rugged. He had with him his little daughter, a girl about eight, clutching firmly to a little doll in faded colours.

He once came around while mom was here and she didn’t like him. She said he was rude. Actually, I never liked him. He was never around for chit chat or polite nods. He came around lugging this huge cart thingy around, topped to the lid with all sorts of smelly weekly rubbish and when he does make jokes, they usually weren’t funny. Wasn’t exactly the kind of guy you’d want around too often.

The irony being, I kinda need him to come around every week.

Tonight, he didn’t say anything at all. He knocked on the gate and the first thing he said when I walked out was, “THR Pak.”

See, crass. Blunt. Straight to the point. He wants his lebaran bonus. There was never a rule about this THR business. The government makes it mandatory for offices to pay a 13th month salary within a few weeks before Hari Raya, but that’s only available to the people with proper employment. Trash guy, gardener guy, neighborhood security guys, the bakso guy and the little cigarette guys and all the other auxiliaries aren’t formally eligible in any particular system.

They crafted their own rule. People in the gated compounds give money to people outside the gates. The more obnoxious you are the more you should give. Me, obviously ranking fairly moderate in the shortlist. There was never an exact rule about how much you should give them. You should just give them whatever you feel like. They’ve no right to protest for anything. You should never give too much, lest you’ll be responsible for an over inflation of these auxiliary expenses in the neighborhood.

Anyhow, I walked out and handed him two hundred thousand. It’s about twenty dollars, which is roughly four times of what I’m paying him in a month (the neighborhood chip in for fifty thousand per house every month). The man took the money and unashamedly counted it in front of me. In their Javanese delicacies, this is brutally vulgar. He had a mini grin, I guess that was a thank you but perhaps not. I’m never sure with him.

The man left with his little girl to knock on the next door, I can’t help but wonder how much the people next door are giving him. For people like him, Lebaran is the one time in the year where they could possibly see that much money. For the rest of the year, they live on the bare minimum of what Jakarta allows them to have. They live in the periphery of chaos, forever disgruntled and always dismembered.

Once a year, they’ve enough of it to knock on the front door.

Heck, we’re lucky they do it only once a year.

I’m back inside. The air con on and the mossies rebuffed. Tasting cakes and cookies with a big fat dog on the couch.

Selamat Hari Raya, you all.

on Reality Blogging

I'm planning a quiet weekend. In the midst of chaos of the last week, i forgot to confirm my flight to Singapore so most likely, i'll be spending the damn weekend by myself. Bugger, i been looking forward to spend the week in Singapore for so long. In any event, i'm on waiting list for the next flight out available, so bear with me.

I intend to sit and vegetate at home otherwise. Not sure what, i've two seasons of The Wire and The Dirt and also Studio 30. Maybe i'll do that. There're a couple of books i should be reading, maybe work a little bit on my writing and play with the dog (the maids are gone for their holiday break, so it's me and Mo to feel festive in the weekend).

As for the blog, i can't think of much to write even though i think i've some brilliant ideas to work on. Just need your help to flesh out the details a little bit. Here's a list of things i might just work on, leave your comments below and I'll post the product when i care to (most likely it'll be on the Monday or so).

- Blogging Accountability: Are bloggers to be held accountable for their crazy ideas?
- Ied, Hari Raya and Other Festive Holiday in the Moslem Tropics
- Malaysia Sucks!
- Why Bloggers Should Never Gather Together. Ever.
- Casino Development in Singapore and the Decline of Morality in SE Asia
- Why Hillary Will Never Be President (she got boobs)
- Legally Blogged
- Bloggers Guide to the Most Fantastic Sex, Ever.
- Economics of Exclamation Marks
- Bloggers Guide to Penguin Lives
- Radiohead is the Best Band of All Time

I might add a few as they come along, feel free to drop your suggestions in the comment box.

List of (Most) Useless Things (Ever)

Will be updated throughout the day (feel free to add)

- Caps Lock Key
- the Second Shift Key
- The "H" in "What"
- Stop Signs in Jakarta
- Don't Stop Signs in Jakarta
- Mosquitos!!! (Danny won!! How, did i forget that one?!??)
- Amien Rais
- Amien Rais' Nipples
- YouTube
- Blogging (courtesy of Dental)
- Wine stopper (via Wendy)


PS: Ujang, i do need exclamation mark. See the entry for mossy above.

on Japanese YouTube

Acthung!!

Whatever you do, whatever state you're in. Do not waste hours and hours on YouTube with japanese keywords.

I won't even provide links.

Blaaaaah.!!

I need help. Well, I’m not sure you guys can help, but I know I need help of some sort. I’m just a total nervous fucking wreck at the moment, even the dog’s looking at me worried. I hate it when everything came down on a Monday.

Guess I just kinda miss there’s someone there. Or here. Wherever.

on Coffee, Sex and Sundays

Coffee leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and spend their money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter, stinking nauseous puddle water.
~1664, London the Women's Petition against Coffee

If God rests on the seventh day, do you suppose He stays home and smokes weed?

No, I guess not. I just wished I had some for this particular Sunday. Except that I can’t even rest on a Sunday, there’s too many things to do. I hate it when closings happen on Mondays. People with money shouldn’t have an entire weekend to play with their kids and reconsider the recent commitment to speculate the college fund. They need to sign the damn thing right quick.

BP picked me up for coffee last night, we only went to Citos as I really couldn’t be bothered to go anywhere else, all sorts of prohibitive clauses etched in my conscience. In shorts and sandals, I met a group of friends who was throwing a hens party in Raja Ampat. Yes, I am not kidding, these girls – Japanese – are divers and they’re planning a hens night in Papua next month. It wasn’t strictly a hens night since I was actually invited to go along, with several other boys, too. Go check with your diver buddy what this place is or check out the latest NatGeo mag. The pictures are stunning. I’m tempted to get a one way ticket and not ever come back to Jakarta. I’m certain the traffic is a lot better out there. (actually, they’re still considering between Raja Ampat in Papua or going to Ujung Genteng to watch ejaculating turtles or something, I lost the details on this second option).

The bottom line is still I’m stuck on a Sunday, all coffeed out, staying on the couch with Nora Jones. You know, back in 1664, the women of London created a petition to ban coffee?

on Being Rich and Being an Asshole

I need to be rich. This I realized last night as I was on the verge of closing another deal only to realize that my bank account does not at all look at me favorably. I need to be rich if I were to survive this lifetime happily. Business class ticket to Singapore is almost 400$ for next week trip and this time it will come from my own pocket – there’s no regular seats for the weekend, on any flight.

Now that the objective is set, all I need to do is to map out how am I going to accomplish it: work hard. Work really hard.

In fact, you know you work too hard when you drunk dialed your business partner out of a club at 3am to check on the latest revisions on the term sheet.

I needed my mini indulgence just so I can operate like a normal hominilupus. On my desk was the entire month’s supply of magazines that I haven’t read, GQ has that nice shot of young Pacino with an interview with MJ inside (as well as Colin Powell and Donald Rumsfeld, but His Airness beat them all). Vanity Fair has Christopher Hitchens ranting about some thing or another. Maybe we’re related. FHM, Esquire, Details and Maxim all have some sort of pretty creatures splattered all over the place. Just my thing for now, Economist, Time and others are just too depressing and full of dead Burmese.

The dog enjoyed it, too. He slept all day next to me. He likes it better when I don’t go to work and he doesn’t have to stay with the maids all day. We’re going out tomorrow to check for a marina big enough to host a 55m sailboat. Some friends are coming next month and they need to dock the damn thing somewhere. More on this later as you’re all invited as observers to the deck. Previous observers include the Dalai Lama, U2 and the French commandos, if you know what I’m talking about, then you’re definitely invited.

On a totally different subject, remember back in high school when the school kids throw a party with the hottie chic and seemingly everybody else will too?
Then for some reason or another you’re all puked out and only then realizing that you have decidedly stood on the wrong side of everybody else and thus being endangered as the solely oblivious designated asshole?
And then so, in a desperate push for vanity, you quietly pulled a coup by manipulating the rest of the kids who didn’t know anything at all, somehow hoping for that shortcut to glory by undermining everybody else and thus to earn the definitive bragging rights to be the undisputed champ of all other previous arseholes?

Of course not. Most of us never did that sort of thing. That’s just icky. We don't just woke up 50 years later staring at the bright blue sky, trying to remember when it all began. Did you just become an asshole or were you simply born that way?

No worries, Jakarta has plentiful days with bloggable blue skies. There’s always another day.

Ciao all, and have a good weekend.

on Working with Startups in Jakarta

"When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder."
~James H. Boren

My head is melting with slow tickling sound. Can’t think much right now. Tons of stuff to do and some other things are kicking into high gear. I need more than 24 hours in a day.

So, not to waste any more of your time with my rubbish, let me get back on that start up thing, answering Ari’s questions.

Types of startup and in what sectors. I only look at internet/online media stuff. Occasionally, I do work on mobile stuff, but I’m not too keen on this. The reason being mobile startups tend to be very dependant on outside factors (operators, marketing partners etc.), the technology tend to be very niche and proprietary (I like the internet open models) and it’s high on the irrational exuberance. Since the penetration level is still relatively low (for the value added services), initial growth tend to be explosive, therefore very distracting for business (harder to focus on the longer term strategy) and then to go back flat down really quickly (ask anyone who’s been doing ringtone last year).

Internet stuff I like, but of course, there’s always issues with finding a proven model and infrastructure issue. Few Indonesian internet concerns make any money at all, even rarer to find one with a lucrative niche. The market is growing quickly, however, and I am sure that there’s a lot of room to grow there, only need to find the good ones.

What’s the craziest I’ve turned down or funded. Well, let me be clear that I don’t fund these personally. Frankly, if I have the money myself, I’ll buy a boat. I work with a network of investors overseas and we set up funds to finance ones we like.

I worked in many markets before, Asia, Europe and US, and honestly, I’ve seen many mind blowing crazy shit that very, very smart people came up with. Technology wise, I’m not an easy person to impress.

This being said though, I think many investors would agree that 99% of the time, when we turned down opportunities, it would have nothing to do with the technology side. Technology is a tool, it’s just there to make it happen. Unless you’re building a research lab, it’s the end customer that matters, and this is where most of the problem arise.

Too many smart people came up with some cool tech stuff and pushed hard to make the customers accept it. I tend to work the other way around: there should already be customers, a demand and only then, a company should prepare on how to satisfy this demand. If they use internet in a significant way to meet their customers, then it’ll be something I’m keen to look at.

The craziest stuff I met were always the freak geniuses who think that their smart flashbulb moments will take them on the road to glory. Crazy egomaniacs who were anal retentive about controlling their own stuff and thus not at all suitable for partnerships with anybody else. These are the hardest and often painful since these sociopaths are the ones most often come with the brightest stuff.

As you often see though, it’s almost never the brightest stuff that will be a success. In the end, it’s always about the execution side, and particular to the Indonesian market, it’s always the hardest to find anyone who walk the walk.

The coolest one I’ve ever worked on was the ones that’s currently still serving the millions of you out there :)


PS: you’re probably hoping for me to talk about some crazy proposal to build moon colony and shit, sadly, I get none of those and with most of the stuff I’ve seen – completed or not – I’m bound by many commitments on not talking about it, so I can’t go for details.

on Brand Loyalty

You know those moments where you’ve to use a product just because it’s a client’s product and they paid your organization shitload of money to use it – and suffer the consequences?

Well, tonight is one such moment. I haven’t seen a blue screen for ages, until tonight one sted me in the face, my fucking battery doesn’t work and the wireless card refused to recognize any network. I've three other laptops, except that I am not allowed to use them for reasons beyond my head. Obviously, those reasons don’t have productivity in the equation.

The next person walking under my room (I’m on the 21st floor) should watch their head coz I’m about to bash this fuckin thing to small pieces and dump the rest of it out the window once I am done. Watch your head.

And oh, the gov’t just extended the communal leave by three days, we’re having holiday from the 12th – 21st of October. I’ll be in Singapore. That’s the good news of the day.

PS: Missed my flight and we're still in bed. How bad is it?

on Doing Tech Startups in Indonesia

I spent a lot of time working with start ups. Actually, the last few years, almost exclusively deal with start ups. Some good, others are better but most frequently they’re shitty ones.

Mostly, my job involves raising money for them, arranging investments and structuring transactions, occasionally it involves more technical trouble shooting and larger networking opportunities. Again, some works, others don’t but most frequently, they’re hopeful thinking.

I have been working on one particular deal in the last month or so, something very exciting, only unfortunately, it didn’t come thru at the last minute. I’ve seen many of these, brilliant ideas with huge potential that just falls apart at the very last minute. They just don’t survive the pressure of growing up.

But then again, as in any business, you tried your best and eventually, you'll hit the biggie. I've done more than most people some are most definitely more successful works than others.

Here are some tips to running and growing your own startup in Indonesia – particularly when dealing with investors (the investors I work with are mostly foreign based, but they’re all the same everywhere).

1. Don’t bullshit them. Investors are in to help you grow your company. Whether it’s at seed stage or a first round financing, they are there to help and they can’t help you if you feed them with nonsense. Save the optimistic sales pitch for your customers, be frank with your potential investors. If anything, they need to learn most about your problems: it allows them to assess the risk and see what opportunities they have to help you. The moment you start being dishonest, that’s the moment when the deal falls apart.

2. Ideas are nothing. Don’t sell ideas. Ideas are cheap and everybody has one. You need to show that you can execute ideas. Programmers and geniuses get carried away in vanity and tout their ideas for a winning trick. It doesn’t work that way. It’s better to come up with a simple idea that works.

3. Investment deals are transactions like any other transaction. Play fair. When you have a brilliant idea and lucrative opportunity, you tend to regard investors as simply ‘them’. They’re the people with money that are supposed to help you and therefore you try to squeeze as much as possible from them. This isn’t true. Investors work too, to earn their money and you should treat them as such. A fair deal means everyone is happy with what they get. You should know what you want and you should work for it. Other people need to win too, if they were to be a successful investment.

4. Keep your words. Most deals are based on good faith. You shouldn’t change your mind just because you think you can now squeeze a better deal. You give your words and stick to it. Paper works are only to document what has already been agreed, it’s useless to write anything down when you can’t trust people you’re doing business with. When you need to change your position, communicate it clearly and have good reasons to show for it.

5. Retain a lawyer. Or at the very least, an advisor. You need someone who’s experienced in working on transactions to help you thru a deal. Forget anybody else, you still need a good lawyer to keep everything in line. Some deal worked great in the beginning, then fell apart much later because the paperwork wasn’t done properly.


Maybe I have more and add more later. I could feel it that everything’s slowly getting into full gear. I haven’t had this much interests from investors for a long while. This market has a lot of potentials, it’s up to us to make it happen. I’d love to be there to make it happen, really. We kinda deserve it.

on Cloudy Bay

I was going to blog something smart and profound. Maybe even educational.

Candi just got back from a Moet Hennesy function with free goodie bags and i just had some fun going out with the SG guys. They even smell nice.

That profound thing, will just have to wait. I'm off to Cloudy Bay for now.

PS: note to you (if you ever actually found this bloog): you should totally blog. Blogging rocks!

on Singapore Itineraries

Singapore’s fun. Well, I have been going back and forth to Singapore all the time, but this is the most fun I had since, well, for a while. The hotel was nice – it’s actually really good in just about everything – except that they keep pestering me about cleaning my room (and breakfast menu wasn't too impressive). Woke me up twice on Saturday just because they thought the bed sheet needs changing. Duh!

Everyone flew in from Jakarta, so it’s the same gang, we just moved venue from our usual holes in Jakarta to Singapore, which is also good. Candi seemed happy to have everyone around and we had the days fully booked from one thing to another. She's been alone in Singapore for two weeks, must've been fun to have everyone here.

Dinner was set at esmirada in Orchard. The food servings were generous and I felt dizzy after meal. We spent 1000$ just on food and two bottles of wine and everyone was zoned out in the end. It’s a great resto with really fun atmosphere. At nine o’clock sharp they break small plates and everyone was given small plates to throw around (on the floor, you can’t throw it to other people). Very strongly recommended if you’re going with large groups. Later, i asked Wolf and he said they buy 1200 small plates every month just to break (guests are allowed to break as many as they want).

Next was the St. James Power Station for some parties. Candi has a relative here who was launching a new modeling agency so it was a fashion show in a club there. It was fun, tho not really that much different from Jakarta. One of the model had her skirt far too low and she showed more than intended, i'm sure. Quite funny to watch, but we got bored pretty quick and Lee was getting hooked up with some Vietnamese chick actress whatever that couldn’t get in because her sister was under age, so we left early and hit Clarke Quay for more Moet.

At Le Noir, we met even more friends and everyone was in party mood. It’s a cute little place with black sand on the floor, so it felt a tad weird, but you’ll get used to it. Candi ordered another bottle of bubblies that we quickly finished and moved on to some other place around the corner for mojitos or something. Then off back to Marcus’ apartment where the others were staying and drank a bottle of Tawny’s 10 yr old port or something that was gulped down rather quick with tuna sandwich. Ha!

We missed breakfast on Sunday – me & C didn’t get out of bed until two – then off to Sentosa for a free flow champagne brunch at the Beaufort Hotel (it finished at 3 so we only missed it by a few minutes). It looked great though, definitely on the book for the next trip (also strongly recommended if you’re traveling with kids, very spacious hotel with a really nice lap pool). At this point, it looked like I made a very bad decision to go to the beach with jeans and boots, we're heading to KM8 by the beach. The sun was hot, white sandy beach with hot babes in bikinis playing beach volley, mojitos in jugs and the music for a total chill out session. The bar even have a mini pool attached to it so people just jumped in to chill.

Everybody arrived not long after, then we rolled to the other end of the island for more chill out session at the Café Del Mar – which has beds all along the beach facing a pool. At this point, all of us were in swimsuit and it was harder to get out of the water (there's a Billabong shops to get swimsuit and stuff if you need it). The atmosphere I think, is better at KM8, but Café del Mar has the better music and we simply couldn’t be bothered to move anymore. The water's too good in the pool. Frankly, I found it a little strange to have that much fun in Singapore.

I really have been working too much. (there are also tankers just a few hundred metres from the beach, so this isn't exactly Santorini, but hey!)




Last was dinner at Brasserie Wolf at Muhammad Sultan Rd. (Behin the Pier building, facing the river). Wolfgang, the owner/chef of the place prepared us some insanely great dinner that totally brought on some culinary orgasmic experience. I haven’t had meal that great for a while. There was everything from oysters to lamb to veal to duck to beef and all sorts of other things. Brooks went on a rampage, too in the whisky shop next to it and bought some 5 bottles of proper single malts. We’re talking about doing some scotch tasting session in Jakarta, soonish (anyone interested, drop me a note). Wolf went to the kitchen and handed out a large plate of assorted desserts and the whole thing was gobbled up in under two minutes. The best chocolate mousse I’ve ever had. EVERR! There was a bottle of Patron XO Coffee for espresso margaritas, and for closing, our Austrian host poured us some funky Austrian schnapps from his private collection. Boy, if life could be better, I wouldn’t need it to be anytime soon.

Ahemm… except that now I am at work again. Blah. I’ll be here for a few more days before getting back to breathing Jakarta fog. Miss you all and see you soon!

PS: pictures of KM8 above i stole from somewhere, i've not my card reader here, our own pix will be up shortly.